At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
