So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
