you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
