I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
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we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
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He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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