Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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