Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
