I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
