Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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