Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
