I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
