I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
