I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
