I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
