Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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