Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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