To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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