Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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