I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
