My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
