found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
