Man, jail baloney is awful.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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