So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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