DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
