p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
