matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize