I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I love black thongs
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
