did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I need a beard to bite.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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