Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
