please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
