I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
