Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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