That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
