OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
