Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
