Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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