Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
