This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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