I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
