I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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