She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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