boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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