I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
