You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
