So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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