Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
