My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
