I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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