i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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