i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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