the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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