I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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