shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
