We're facebook friends in real life
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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