I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
