i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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