smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
