I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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