Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Enjoy the penises
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
