I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
