I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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