How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
