Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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