woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
