He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
