Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.

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(267): I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys. http://tfl.nu/6bet

Replies (27) Good night (4841) Bad night (1069)
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(815): View more from Illinois

I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.

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(815): I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value. http://tfl.nu/83po

Replies (14) Good night (4804) Bad night (806)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."

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(774): I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..." http://tfl.nu/yy1j

Replies (8) Good night (4517) Bad night (1035)
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(519): View more from Ontario

She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has

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(519): She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has http://tfl.nu/fgce

Replies (14) Good night (3673) Bad night (899)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.

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(780): Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT. http://tfl.nu/4w87

Replies (13) Good night (2068) Bad night (1230)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?

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(502): I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that? http://tfl.nu/7r6j

Replies (14) Good night (1376) Bad night (1796)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.

(612): View more from Minnesota

His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.

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(218): His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place. (612): His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants. http://tfl.nu/9orv

Replies (8) Good night (949) Bad night (1383)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.

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(502): got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood. http://tfl.nu/bzvq

Replies (8) Good night (1567) Bad night (699)
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(817): View more from Texas

I think that's mostly how we became friends.

(1-817): View more from Texas

Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.

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(817): I think that's mostly how we became friends. (1-817): Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me. http://tfl.nu/n6nc

Replies (9) Good night (1905) Bad night (560)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Explain the King Dong next to my face.

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(570): Explain the King Dong next to my face. http://tfl.nu/zscw

Replies (2) Good night (488) Bad night (311)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.

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(978): If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win. (508): And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them. http://tfl.nu/dotb

Replies (5) Good night (615) Bad night (358)
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(561): View more from Florida

Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao

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(561): Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao http://tfl.nu/lnta

Replies (3) Good night (434) Bad night (652)
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(801): View more from Utah

How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight

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(801): How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight http://tfl.nu/najg

Replies (3) Good night (496) Bad night (309)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I've peed outside too many times in just this past week

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(603): I've peed outside too many times in just this past week http://tfl.nu/sys5

Replies (2) Good night (290) Bad night (227)
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(618): View more from Illinois

I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night

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(618): I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night http://tfl.nu/w6cl

Replies (2) Good night (428) Bad night (219)

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