she was so not down for the gang bang
It's Friday. Sex?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
