He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?