Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom

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(586): Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom http://tfl.nu/p7m9

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(818): View more from California

I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff

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(818): I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff http://tfl.nu/b3xl

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(513): View more from Ohio

well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"

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(513): well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment" http://tfl.nu/5a1z

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(678): View more from Georgia

he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.

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(678): he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him. http://tfl.nu/39a0

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(702): View more from Nevada

Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.

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(702): Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes. http://tfl.nu/674n

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.

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(506): No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park. http://tfl.nu/t1o0

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(708): View more from Illinois

We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.

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(708): We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever. http://tfl.nu/e0m4

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(605): View more from South Dakota

The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.

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(605): The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere. http://tfl.nu/hx43

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.

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(505): I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover. http://tfl.nu/48qz

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(910): View more from North Carolina

FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN

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(910): FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN http://tfl.nu/beux

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.

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(832): god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink. http://tfl.nu/rrfd

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(616): View more from Michigan

Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?

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(616): Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything? http://tfl.nu/t3z5

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(970): View more from Colorado

Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.

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(970): Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard. http://tfl.nu/a8iw

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(801): View more from Utah

It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).

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(801): It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word). http://tfl.nu/10dp

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it

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(267): Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it http://tfl.nu/yaso

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