I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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