I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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