i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
