when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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